The Black Dawn (NaNoWriMo 2011)

[Red_Tower]

So this is for my first book (started during National Novel Writing Month: www.nanowrimo.org/en/dashboard ) The Black Dawn. I'll start off by just posting the prolog, but you can find through chapter 16 on my deviantArt page.
Also, as a small note before going into reading this, it is completely unedited, so terms change, grammar is horrible, and there are a good number of spelling errors here and there.
Thanks for reading, and feedback is very appreciated.

[Red_Tower]

The Cycle Trilogy: Book 1, Black Dawn
Prolog: Run from the Night

The woods were vast, and the trail of blood behind the creature was long, but he couldn’t stop running, for the howling of the wolves approached yet again. They cried out into the half-moon night, and even the soft glow of that moon seemed against the entity, grinning at him as though it were out to slay the runaway. The creature heard the howls fade, so he took a moment to rest.

“I know I’m not free, but at least I’m away from the scouts. This world is not the same as my time.” The being thought as it slowly regained some of its memories from its past life, before it was shackled by an Inemortioner, someone who practiced the magic of trapping the heart of an Anihun-Vencard, a person who hunts evil souls, when they die. But the Inemortioner was the least of its problems that night, for many a dark and veil beast lay in the woods, for the world of Lyantrafel was slowly falling into chaos, and this was just one example. Though the being in question was not one to feel empathy for, as it is a foul entity by any standers. It slithered across the ground, always a trail of blood left by its long serpent tail. From its tail it went to the chest of a man, all scaled in a golden and black stripes, before ending in a head that not of snake or human, but something between these two, hissing with its serpent tongue, but speaking the common words of man. The trees seemed to have shifted while the being rested, so it quickly began again on its race to somewhere away from the force that wanted him dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a quiet night at the Inn of the Sleeping Donkey, set on the foothills of Mount Ries, just outside of the Shawl Woods, where a mist would roll in the dawn of every morning. There were few patrons here at any given time due to the secluded location of the inn, for few ever took the small trails that lead from the nearby village of Evenshawl and the Mount Ries springs that lay much further into the hill. So when at the dead of night a loud clang sounded from the stable, the innkeeper; an Old Fred who was once a smith down in town before his back gave out, he was quick to get up and find the source of the disturbance.

He went down the stairs with his old blacksmithing hammer in tow, and lantern held high in the other, and out into the back courtyard where the two current guest’s horses stood tied to a long wooden bar, and another noise came from in the small stable. “Who’s making that ruckus? Come out slowly, alright?” He called out into the buildings dark opening, raising his light to try and get a better look. He now saw a trail of blood leading from the courtyard’s back entrance and into the stable. “We don’t want no trouble out here, so you leave us be, ya hear?” Still no response, so he slowly moved his way into the stable, the floor covered with bloody hay.

“Hiss, why can no one leave me be? Hiss, you human; hiss, why is it that you bother me?” A smooth yet chilling voice called out to the innkeeper from behind a large stack of hay. “I have done nothing to your animal shelter hiss; I only wish to sleep the remainder of the night in peace, I will be gone before dawn.” It hissed out, though the voice still cold, but not threatening. Old Fred thought for a long time, just standing there, peering at the darkness, before he made up his mind.

“You leave it as found, don’t touch anything. I’m too old for this now…” He said before going back to the inn slowly, hunched over as his back failed him. He got back in bed and upon waking in the morning all three of his guests were gone, and the mist slowly rolled over the hills and down into the valley that the village lay within. And the sun rose that dawn like any other it would seem, as though all that had happened in the night had never happened. The events that would change the world had begun with the burning dawn.

[Shikyo]

Awesome start.

[Red_Tower]

((My first ever revision!))

Prolog: Run From the Night

The forest was a vast and eerie place, and the trail of blood seemed to stretch on forever. A quarter-moon shone through the tall solitary trees, its soft glow grinning down. Wolves called out to each other in its menacing shadow, hunting. The blood trail was coming from their prey, which was in sheer panic as it made its escape from its horrid masters. The creature heard the howls of the wolves fade, taking a moment to rest. Its thoughts were animalistic at first, a simple desire to be free. But slowly it began to regain memories of its past life, and with them, intelligent thought.

“Not free. Must keep running. Safe for now though. World different than before.” The entity thought, thinking of how its heart was trapped by its former masters; the foul magicians who killed it, transforming it into this Thing. This evil being was part snake, part man. It moved through the world on its hefty serpent tail, leaving a trail of blood wherever it went. This transitioned to the chest of a man, covered in reptilian scales in black and gold stripes from tail to head, which wasn’t quite human or serpent. The trees seemed to have shifted since the creature began its rest, and the wolves howling came near once more, and a feeling of dread came over the runaway as much darker and viler beasts approached. And so it raced away into the servants of his Inemortionist masters, slithering into the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a quiet and peaceful night at the Inn of the Sleeping Donkey, a small establishment set in the foothills of Mount Ries, separating the small village of Evenshawl from the dark forest of the Shawl Woods. Every morning at dawn a mist would roll out from the woods, through the twin mountains, and into the valley below. Small roads and trails stretched throughout the hills, from the springs at the top of the mountain to the village and to the neighboring country of Gartenfell. It was a secluded place to say the least, so when at the dead of night a loud clang rang out from the stables, Old Fred – the innkeeper – hurried to down to the courtyard, his old blacksmithing hammer in tow and a lantern held high. He had two guests that night, their horses tied up inside. As he got closer he saw a trail of blood mixed with the loose straw on the ground, leading deeper into the small stable. “Who’s making that ruckus in there? I ain’t giving free board, ya hear?”

Another clang sounded from inside as the old man moved closer, raising his light high to try and get a look inside without getting close. Now Fred could see that the trail lead straight from the back entrance of the courtyard to the stable, with a look as though something were dragged through the blood. “Just come on out slowly, alright? We don’t want no trouble here. If you wanna place to sleep ya can pay up or head out.” He called in, with still no response. So he slowly edged in, stepping through the bloody hay, stopping in fear when something finally spoke back.
“Why can me be left alone? You, human; why do you be here?” A smooth yet chilling voice called out to the innkeeper. Every pause was accompanied by a hissing noise, only adding to Old Fred’s fear. “I am friend, not hurting anything in here. I leave in morning after rest.” It said, hiding behind a bale of hay, hidden from the man’s view. The innkeeper thought long and hard about it, peering into the dark stable, and thinking. Finally he decided, starting to back away slowly.

“Ya leave it as found, and don’t touch nothin’. I’m getting’ too old for this…” He drifted off, heading back to the inn, hunched over as his back failed him. He got back in bed and in the morning all three of his guests were gone, and the mist slowly rolled in, marking their passage. And as the man began to clean the stable out, the sun slowly began to rise. But this sunrise was not like those before, because as dark storm clouds moved in from the horizon, blocking out the sun, it seemed that this was the beginning of a new era, and the events that would change the world had begun with the black dawn.

[Red_Tower]

+UPDATE+
I finally finished! My first book draft, done. So there's that.